Thursday 8 May 2014

easy ways to get rid of a crazy admirer

English language for this entry? I just want to further my writing to international level since we are living in era of globalisation. forget about my broken English because I'm still learning it. so English native speakers, I don't give a damn if you insult me, (^_^) o

this time, I would like to write (type actually) on ways to get rid of a crazy admirer. I never apply this techniques because I don't have any crazy or hard die fans (I'm not Beyonce or Johnny Depp though!) but I really think they are going to work especially for you, beautiful, charming, sweethot honey!

still love me?
A crazy admirer or put it in polite language, a die hard fan (doesn't make difference, hehe) is someone who doesn't know the meaning of rejection and give up. You keep telling him or her that he or she not to waste time on you but he (I'm tired of typing he and she, so I would refer crazy admirer as 'he' now on) just ignores your word. Maybe he has been blinded by love <3 or simply doesn't have any sense of regret and hurt or your advice is a sweet lullaby for him. He even follows you whenever you go and to some extent secretly snaps your pictures or downloads them from your facebook, instagram, twitter (whatsover social networks that we have nowadays) so that he can keep them as their collection. so you out there, don't simply post a cute or sexy photos of you, instead, post an ugly, irritating, annoying, crazy pictures so that he may think about admiring you again. without realising it, accidently I have come to first point! yeay!


2) substitute your role with him
What do you say if I suggest you take his role? instead of becoming his crush, you may be his admirer! just pretend that you really like him very very much to extend that you are obsess about him. do better than him. if he keeps your pictures in his phone, you can keep his pictures in your room, on locker, even paste them onto your bag. If you see him, call him over many times or cheer for him like your a cheerleader (if possible, you can also get prepared with pom- pom, bunting, poster, billboard, etc with his name and Shakespear's poem on it). You can also shout at him as you see your favourite celebrities. (crying happily and ask for his autograph are bonus points). Surely he will call you a psycho maniac and run from you. If this way doesn't work...
"John! oh my gosh! look at him everybody!"
 J to the O to the H to the N!














3) go out for a date!
"I hope you don't mind"
If he asks you for a date, don't simply reject it. Just say, "I do". If he doesn't ask for a date, you are the one who should ask for it. Get ready with fashion like Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj which is too weird and alien for people in this day. Don't forget to make up your face with style of a clown or robot. During dinner, eat whatever food do you like or any food that you can possibly grab on and eat like you are at home (don't lie to me about your style of eating at home, (^_~). If you are type of a polite and nice girl, this point will work because you are giving him big shock and unexpected character. don't eat noodle with spoon and fork or chopstick, just use your bare hands to grab that long noodle.  In addition to that, pretend that you unintentionally split drink onto his face. you would like also to drop large amount of soup from inside your mouth and tell ya, it is a killing point. he must be very disappointed with you as his choice. however, if he does still have crush on you, you need to search another path...



4) "I'm gay, I'm ok!" or "I'm lesbian, I'm fine!"
 Acting like you are homosexual and incline to practice unhealthy activities such as relationship with same gender (do I repeat myself? my fault!) gives him signal that you are not the one who is he searching for and you will not accept him forever and ever. sometimes, you don't have to tell him about that because your acting can give clear idea to him about your orientation. Get help from your friends to pretend as your unhealthy partner and start your acting whenever he is around. Your dress up can play important role as well. dress like you are having that kind of orientation to gain simple point. He must look different towards you after this. If he is still on you...

5) ...
There's nothing you can do from stopping his obsession on you. he is totally your crazy admirer, he is your die hard fan, he is a man without sense. accept him as he is, love can be developed from time to time. if you cannot love him or have no feeling about him, just ignore his admiration towards you. know what, you are lucky because you are being inspired and loved by somebody who accept you as you are. at least you can think of it. 
"my heart might be small, but it can shine you light"

NO CRAZY ADMIRER WAS HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS ENTRY

Melayu, usaha dan tawakal

hari ni cikmimie baca post yang diposkan oleh laman KelabCheDet: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kelab-Che-Det/165613420193002?fref=nf 
berkenaan tweet Encik (belum Dato' atau Datuk lagi u olls!) Khairy Jamaluddin, seorang menteri kacak lagi bergaya dan yang penting orang Rembau Most Wanted Yo! berkenaan pemadaman ruang 'bangsa' dalam borang. isu ni panas macam pisang goreng (ke goreng pisang) dah semestinya menimbulkan rasa tak puas hati dalam kalangan masyarakat Malaysia terutama Melayu. cikmimie sertakan sekali gambar tweet Encik Khairy ni...


cikmimie setuju dengan kenyataan Encik Khairy. mesti ramai hentam cikmimie lepas ni. tapi apakan daya, pandangan kita berbeza sementalah kita hidup berjiran dalam negara demokrasi terpimpin ni. walaubagaimanapun, cikmimie ucapkan tahniah kepada beliau kerana berani tampil melawan arus perdana dan tahniah jugaklah pada cikmimie yang berani menaip di alam maya ini. cikmimie sokong ruang bangsa dalam borang dikekalkan, yang cikmimie tak sokong Melayu malas tak nak usaha tapi mengharapkan ihsan atas nama bangsa Melayu di Malaysia untuk diberi makan yang telah dimasak oleh kerajaan.

Melayu memang kaum yang sudah lama menetap di Tanah Melayu (termasuklah Sabah & Sarawak). kita pun tak tahu asal- usul kita. ada sejarawan yang kata kita ni dari Yunnan, China. ada kata kita ni dari Indian region (bahagian India khususnya kawasan Tamil) dan ada jugak yang kata kita ni dari Greek (amboi, awat mata chek tak biru? kulit chek pun sawo matang! hehe). back to business. ada juga teori kata yang kita dari keturunan Nabi Ibrahim (a.s.) melalui isteri baginda bernama Keturah (dikatakan anak raja Champa). tak tahulah mana satu yang betul dan ada satu lagi teori dahsyat mak oii, kata kita ibu segala bangsa. sebab tu lah muka kita ada macam Cina, India, macam Mat Salleh, Hidustan hey!, persis Africa pun boleh jumpa dan jugak Arab yang memang tak dapat dinafikan keberadaannya. 

Aktiviti kita, bukan kita, moyang kita dulu adalah pertanian, perdagangan, mengutip hasil laut, pelajaran dan penyebaran Islam dan lain- lain. malah ada yang bekerja sebagai orang istana; bendahara, temeggung, syahbandar dan lain- lain pangkat. kuatnya kita boleh dipandang dari keagungan kesultanan Melayu Melaka bermula dari 1400- 1511 dan diwarisi oleh Kesultanan Johor dan juga Kesultanan Perak (sebab tu lah Rja Noor Jan Syah boleh anggap dia Sultan Melaka merangkap Sultan Perak sekali. sekarang dah faham kan kenapa dia berangan nak jadi sultan dua- dua buah negeri). pada masa tu, Melayu bangsa yang disegani oleh sebab ilmunya yang boleh dikatakan setanding dengan ulama- ulama di alam nusantara dan pernah mengajar di Mekah (tengok video Ustaz Don tentang keistimewaan orang Melayu untuk lebih lanjut).

Bukan tu je wahai orang Melayu ku, malahan kelebihan kita dalam diplomatik dan strategi peperangan sangat diperakui melalui seorang pahlawan dan negarawan bernama Tun Perak (yang diakui kewujudan dan keasliannya melebihi lagenda Hang Tuah bersaudara). beliau mampu menangkis serangan Siam ke atas negeri- negeri bawah naungan Melaka.

Tambahan pula (wah, ambik kau!), kekayaan juga melimpah ruah sehingga makmurlah seluruh rakyat jelata dan sekelian isinya. Melaka menguasai kedua- dua belah Selat Melaka (Timur Sumatera dan juga seluruh Tanah Melayu) menyebabkan banyak kapal dagang berlabuh di pelabuhan Melaka untuk berdagang dan menunggu tiupan angin monsun untuk ke China atau Tanah Arab. Aktiviti perdangan ini menyebabkan moyang kita menjadi pakar dalam ilmu laut (cerap buruj, kawalan angin, buat sampan kecil, besar hinggalah bahtera).

luas tak jajahan takluk Melaka? sumber: buku teks sekolah

Semua kejayaan yang tercatat seperti yang di atas takkan berjaya kalau Melayu hanya tahu makan, tidur, layan dayang- dayang, bermain sepak takraw, tidur dan banyak lagilah aktiviti tak de pekdah. kalau ada WIFI dulu mungkin kerja mereka jadi keyboard warriors, layan youtube, update status kat facebook atau twitter, selfie (ops!)... maka tak makmurlah Melaka.ingat dulu ada pencen ke? ada bantuan macam sekarang (kalau ada, zakat)? mereka berusaha untuk hidup. mereka berusaha menjadi bangsa yang disegani. tak minta simpati dari sultan malah membantu sultan mengembeling tenaga menjaga Melaka dengan kekuatan ilmu dan fizikalnya. merantau mencari ilmu ke Mekah, Madinah hatta Hadramaut sekalipun untuk menjana kekuatan
Melaka.

jika inilah masyarakat sekarang contohi, maka makmur jugaklah Malaysia. bukan berpandukan status 'Bumiputera' sahaja untuk ke hadapan, melawan bangsa- bangsa lain. jangan minta simpati sampai duit BR1M pun tak cukup- cukup lagi. Usaha! Bangkit! Ayuh bangsa Melayu! (terjerit pulak! hehe...). sumbang sesuatu kepada negara, bukan meminta sesuatu yang kita sepatutnya mampu hasilkan sendiri. nak beli susu pun suruh kerajaan bayar, ape cita? ape cita? (inspirasi daripada Ropie Cecupak. Eh, bukan! Pian Cecupak yang dapat Datuk daripada Kerajaan Naning tu. Kerajaan Naning? adakah kena mengena dengan Raja Melaka? of record...).
kan, kan. betul tak apa cikmimie cakap. tanpa usaha, kita tak kan maju. Allah takkan ubah nasib sesuatu kaum jika kaum itu sendiri tak mengubahnya.

mau beli karpet ka, adik manis?
cuba tengok Mat Pakistan yang jual karpet kat rumah korang. mula- mula, zaman cikmimie kecik- kecik, diorang usung karpet berat tu ke sana- sini. penat, tapi nak cari duit punya pasal. tak lama lepas tu, diorang datang naik basikal, karpet letak kat carrier. siap boleh bagi hutang lagi tu. kemudian kenderaan mereka berevolusi ke motor kapcai, ke kereta hingga mampu membeli van dan mempunyai kedai sendiri (sewa atau beli, tak tahu lah kan). bangsa Cina Malaysia pun sama. kehidupan mereka penuh dengan usaha, kecik- kecik lagi dah tolong mak ayah jaga kedai. anak- anak kita? sibuk main pasir dan bertemu janji dengan boyfriends girlfriends. anak Cina ke sekolah bawak beg besar, anak Melayu ke sekolah bawak beg tangan... oleh kerana mereka tahu tak ada yang istimewa untuk mereka di bumi Malaysia ni, maka mereka usaha untuk maju. bangsa asing di Malaysia, atas nama usaha mampu maju. Melayu, di atas tanah air sendiri, atas nama borang, masih terpacak kat sini. kenapa? tak ada usaha. maka Allah pun tak boleh nak tolong. Usaha dulu baru tawakal, bukan tawakal je...

Kaum Uighur di China adalah umat Islam yang dah lama tertindas dan pernah menguasai ekonomi China sebelum Revolusi Boxer (tak tahu macam mana nak terjemahkan) dan kebangkitan melawan dinasti Qing a.k.a Manchu. Mereka menjadi tulang belakang kekayaan tanah besar namun oleh sebab kedengkian, mereka ditindas dan sering tewas dalam mahkamah walaupun mereka di pihak benar. Namun, sehingga sekarang, ramai umat Islam di China berusaha memajukan diri dalam bidang perniagaan sebab mereka tahu tiada yang istimewa untuk mereka.

jadi, Melayu kena contohi bangsa- bangsa yang disebut ni agar tak dibelakangi, dibawahi, ditepikan oleh orang lain. usaha tu penting dan lepas tu baru tawakal. 

PEACE NO WAR!